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Three Things I’ve Learned About Relationships

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I want to preface this by saying I am not here to give you advice. I am by no means a relationship expert, nor do I know more than anyone else. However, in my six short years of being married, my wife and I have been through the ringer and there are three things I have learned that I would like to share.

My Wife and I at a wedding.

The first thing I learned is that you and your partner will know exactly how to push each other’s buttons in order to get the other one riled up. You and your partner will constantly be pushing each other’s buttons either intentionally or unintentionally. The fact that you know each other’s biggest triggers will lead you both to test each other and these tests are so important to your personal growth, this leads me to my second point…

Relationships are meant to help BOTH partners grow as individuals. Those tests from your partner to get you to react are there to help you grow. How you react determines your growth this far into the relationship. When your partner does something to trigger you and you completely overreact, this just shows what area you need to improve in. When they do it again (which they will) and you no longer overreact, that is your growth.

You will also grow as an individual because you and your partner should both do your part on calling the other one out when they do something that is unpleasant. Things that cause resentment or unpleasant behaviors should be called out right then and there, on the spot, and stopped. As long as you and your partner are calling each other out on behaviors that one does that causes resentment, you and your partner will both slowly get rid of your unpleasant behaviors.

The third thing I have learned is that every couple has problems and the couples who last the longest are not couples with out problems, but the couples that work through their problems. I can only speak from my experience on this. My wife and I have been in a relationship for eight years. To many people, it looks like we are a perfect couple that does not fight, just like most other relationships. Most relationships look perfect when viewed from the outside and this is where a lot of confusion comes from. People see a couple and think that they are perfect and never fight, so they think that their relationship should be the same. This is wrong. My wife and I give off the perfect couple vibe, but we are the farthest thing from a perfect couple. We have fought and been on the verge of splitting up, but then made up, more times than you would believe. I have done so much damage to our relationship that would end other relationships. We have problems, every couple does, we are working through our fair share just like the other couples that last.

To summarize my three points:

· You and your partner know exactly how to get under each other’s skin to test each other either intentionally or unintentionally.

· Relationships are meant to help both parties grow.

· Every couple has problems, and the couples that last the longest are not the couples without problems, but they are the couples that work through their problems.

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